NSA leaks

Everyone is hearing about the Edward Snowden debacle, leaking NSA secrets is big news, but one of the things I've heard about more than maybe I want to, is his girlfriend. In case you haven't heard something about her, she was a pole dancer (though, not a stripper as I understand it, but a circus type dancer). Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's interesting who he was dating, where he was living, his history, everything. But I only like that stuff because I am a natural investigative person, not because it is actually relevant to the situation.

I really just want to write about a friend of mine in relation to this whole thing. We were discussing the articles, for some reason, and his comment was "how does a guy with barely a high school degree get a pole dancer girlfriend"... ummm.. ask her out?

First off, most pole dancers are actually normal REAL PEOPLE! no way!!  I mean.. they might be in better shape than a lot of people, because that kind of thing requires a lot of muscle, but they aren't gods or anything, and I'm sure they would appreciate you not thinking they are.

Second, getting a higher degree doesn't make you a better person, and sometimes, it doesn't even help you succeed in life. In Snowden's case, he was making a lot of money, doing something he loved to do and was great at doing, and did it all without a degree. Don't get me wrong, I think education is great to have, and I love a well educated person, but if there is a person who is great at what they do and smart, they don't need an education.

Third, If you really want to date a pole dancer, and that's your goal in life, go out and date a pole dancer. Follow your dreams!

And fourth, I feel bad for that girl, she is going through a crazy possible break up and dealing with unexpected media attention all at the same time, not a position I would want to be in.

Raunch Culture

I just finished a book called "Female Chauvinist Pigs" and it was actually really good, if not a little outdated because all of the popular references were from 2004. In the book, the author discusses how the new culture of proudly displaying sexuality and "sexiness" is seen as a feminist advancement, when (in her opinion) it really isn't. I agree with her on many counts, most importantly that the porn culture, and the absolute sexualization of women is not actually a feminist freedom, men are the ones in charge of this business and much of the "sexy" stuff we do is to gain the approval of men. Women spend so much time trying to get men to notice them in a sexual way that they ignore the fact that that should not be our main goal in life.

The saddest part to me was when she recounted interviews with 16 year olds who lost their virginity to someone because "that's what {the guy} wanted". If we feel our only value is as sexual objects, we will not continue to advance as educated, dedicated members of the profitable world. I would hope that people are more comfortable losing their virginity when they are ready, rather than when their crush or boyfriend is ready, but I think that may not be the case. My cousin, at 15, already is being pressured into sexual acts by the sheer peer pressure of everyone doing it (not by one person, but by the culture) and I worry that she and many other teenagers are unhealthily sexual because of the expectations that have been laid out.

However, I do not agree that this culture is completely backwords from feminism. I think the sexualization is part of the rebellion from generations of sexual repression that we as a gender experienced (not that men didn't also experience it because of the overall culture). And I think that eventually we will simmer down and stop being so ridiculously sexually exposed. I think it is at least healthy to open discussions about sexuality and not judge someone for being sexual, but now, it has almost gotten to the point of being the other direction where people with no desire to be sexualized are considered prudes.

While I don't support forcing everyone to wear skin baring clothing or sleep with any man that thinks they are attractive, I refuse to be told what I can't wear by men who ask me out after blatantly stating they are looking for someone to marry who will have their kids because they are ready to settle down with a housewife. One of my Facebook associates recently posted a video by a female discussing the evolution of swimwear, and I actually do agree with some of what the woman says about how the newest bikinis are ridiculously skin baring (though.. not all of them are, mine certainly isn't) and how we really don't need to wear that tiny of clothing, I resent someone saying to me "modesty is a blessing". Maybe modesty isn't a blessing to me, or maybe I just really want a tan on parts of my body that have never been exposed to the sun before, but either way, I will wear the bathing suit that I want to wear, and the only time you should be allowed to tell me differently is if I'm legally not allowed to wear it (ie: sometimes topless isn't allowed) or you can bring it up as a discussion if I am in a relationship with you. And that is why I think raunch culture is so popular, no one wants to be told they must or can't wear certain clothes, and if they are told so, many of us want to do the opposite. So, pretty soon I think we will all start wearing baggy turtlenecks around in the summer, but no one should be able to tell us we can't!

(side note, this is definitely not where I thought this blog post was going, but it did!)

Pro-Abstinence Education

I read this article recently, about how Elizabeth Smart spoke out against pro-abstinence sex education and I think more people should read this article (it's actually not a great article) and think about it a little more. I understand a certain point of saying it's ok to want to wait, and you should, but if you don't, you're still OK. I don't know that completely ignoring pro-abstinence education is a good thing, but I think continuing to support anti-sex education is a bad thing. We need to not teach these children (and young adults, and adults for that matter) that sex is a bad/scary/shameful thing. There are many amazing things about sex, one of the great ones is the intimacy it can help foster between two people, but there is also a time when sex is not good in a relationship, or when you should know to say no.


I am going to keep my eye on this story line and see if anything else comes up. I don't think that Elizabeth Smart would have escaped her kidnapper sooner, or how it would have changed her opinion of what was happening, but I do know that I have many friends who were soooo scared to talk about sex in high school. We need to make it ok to talk about, that way when it does come time to say "no, I'm not ready" it feels OK to say that as well!

Sex Appeal

There is a saying that a nice suit on a guy is the same thing as lingerie on a woman in terms of sex appeal.. but maybe we're taking that a bit to far when we as a culture expect female morning news broadcasters to pose "sexily" on the table next to their co hosts to sell a magazine. Granted, this was a Vanity Fair magazine..but still. For reference, the second photo is a picture of Mika Brzezinski on the job, and I actually think she looks way sexier in that photo than in the first one.

Slate included a link to the first photo in an article about how female news anchors are expected to be sleeveless, but professional, and show off some leg. What?! I think that the sexification of women has kinda gone too far, shouldn't news anchors be reporting on the news and look more like business people, or maybe just like casual women? In the article they point out that some anchors show up to work looking more like they are going out to a club, and less like they are going to a professional environment. GQ also did a similar article where they had news anchor Megyn Kelly pose partially naked and talked about how hot she is, not about how well she reports the news or can independently comment on newsworthy items.

I agree with the Slate article that this is completely ridiculous, and probably needs to stop. It's great that these women are in good shape, but it should not be a requirement of the job to (even at 45) be able to balance sexily on a table in stilletos on one leg and your arms while you gaze admiringly at your fellow newscaster who smiles knowingly into the camera.

I think if we're going to have women do this, we should have men do this too, but really, I think neither should be. Knowledge and clarity should be the selling factors in news, not looks. I can understand expecting presentable attire and looks, but this has just gone too far.

Domestic Violence

I saw this ad on another blog, but my sister sent a link to the Jezebel article that talks about it. I think it is important to cover this at least to some extent. It's crazy that this is beginning to show up in Saudi Arabia, but it is GREAT that it is. I think this is a good sign that the Saudi Arabians are beginning to think of women as people (to some extent) rather than property. They also recently allowed women to ride bikes... for fun... And recently women began demanding the right to drive by driving!

Basically, even though this is a small step, it is a step, and as every runner/walker/jogger/person knows, you can't move forward if you don't start with one step (or push or whatever).

Business Success

My sister texted this image of an ad she saw in an airport to me. The signs of business success seem to have stayed the same, even when women have begun taking over parts of it... maybe? I personally would not want to smoke a cigar and wear a very... large suit jacket if I became successful in business... Do you think they just photoshopped a woman's head and hand into this picture? I'm starting to think that maybe they did...  But, it's good to see that this company doesn't think that women will change business at all, even when they get what they deserve after they negotiate..... or not?

On a side note, the successful, unmarried, "older" women in China are "leftovers" and need to be rejected as a societal issue according to the phrase being used to describe them. If only slut or bitch also sounded like another word in the English language that meant victorious or successful or something, then we could reclaim those words as well as the women in China are doing with shengnu!  Still good job figuring out how to reclaim that, I like it!

Marriage

I read Jezebel, probably more than I should, and this article is one of the best they've posted so far (kinda). I actually think that sometimes Jezebel is too extreme for me, I mean, I'm a feminist, but they go around bashing people for claiming feminists are anti male, but some of their stuff comes off as very anti male. But this article is so... neutral... in a way, and I love that her point is a little bit about how the woman who wrote the article needs to tone down her ideas about marriage and that a woman shouldn't need to convince a man to marry her, but really, she argues that "marriage for marriage's sake isn't how people become happy." I love that she says that. It's true that if you are happy with who you are, you will not become MORE happy because of marriage, but most importantly, if you're unhappy, marriage won't solve that. Go figure out who you can become to make you happy and do that, then decide if you want to get married, don't go changing your life/personality/looks just because someone won't marry you for it.

 

Thank you for presenting a totally acceptable idea about marriage. If you're already unhappy, get happy, then get married. If you don't, your marriage will probably be unhappy!