Marriage

I read an article the other day (which I, unfortunately, cannot find) and as the debate heats up for human rights with many states passing marriage equality laws, and transgendered people are no longer considered diseased, and so many other things, I wonder where marriage really fits in. Many people argue that the marriage equality fight is for wealthy white people, not for African Americans, or those living in poverty. Partially, this is an issue because there are fewer straight people in those categories married, and partially this is because, often, the rights gained by marriage aren't as valuable to those groups (ie: shared insurance).

What if you don't believe in God?
Can you NOT get married?

This debate and all of the focus on it, has forced me to examine my ideas on marriage. I am not adamantly opposed to marriage as an idea, if in the future a significant other really wanted to get married I would probably agree to it, but I also don't think it is necessary. Many of these problems could be solved with an acceptance of how life, relationships, and homemaking have evolved in today's world. Often, even in the rich white world, marriage is not necessary. If both members of a relationship (or all three/four?!) have insurance that covers what is needed, and they are able to live comfortably with the demands of today's world, the only problem is post death and hospitalization issues (which can currently be resolved with papers stating what you want to happen). These issues could even be solved by requiring the person to prove their statement that they should get the rights deemed (though this could call for fraud) or requiring that everyone file a paper stating their preferences, perhaps every 5 years, or when they renew their ID cards. For insurance, benefits could be extended to people you are living with and sharing expenses with. This, of course, would mean that sometimes roommates would insure each other, or friends would band together to help each other out, but the overall reduction in health costs could make up for the slight loss. Further, universal health care (which, when administered effectively, can be very successful) would make it no longer necessary to prove "love" when applying for insurance benefits.

Anyway, to get back to feminist rights, marriage was originally a way to keep women suppressed, in a sense, because it allowed the government to only issue ownership rights to men, and provided a way for women to be provided for without providing them any more rights. Today, there are many reasons why someone might not get married but for me, it is mostly that I don't think it is necessary, or even right any more. We should be more concerned about making women a forefront of discussion and ensuring equal pay for women than making sure we look good enough to attract the one guy who will want to marry us. As this article points out, marriage is on the way out anyway.

One of the more inspiring articles/videos I've seen recently was this one, where a couple broke up through song. The song was not inspiring because they are fun/unique, or because they still want to remain cordial even though they are broken up, but what struck me is that they are breaking up because she does not want kids. At one point, she says she didn't want kids, and he says he always thought she would change her mind. For myself, a person not particularly keen on the idea of having children, this song struck a chord (haha). It is absolutely every woman's right to decide if she wants kids, it is also her and her significant other's right to decide if they want marriage and when they want to break it off or if they want to stay together forever. The government, or more-so the church in guise of the government, should not tell me that I have to agree to be with someone forever on their contract in order to be able to see them when they get hit by a car. Nor should the contract then determine that my love for my significant other is better/greater than the love of a couple who has stayed together through sickness and health without a contract. And most importantly, why should we cling to a contract that is outdated and was used to hold down important members of our society.

I would even change these captions to "People with ONLY feminine traits"
and "People with ONLY masculine traits". Everyone has a little of both, just
like Honey Boo Boo said "everyone's a little gay"

I recently finished Gaga Feminism (and while I don't agree with the title, it really wasn't mostly about Lady Gaga), and I think that as sexuality, commitment, and relationships change, so should our definitions of commitment and our ability to accept newly exposed kinds of relationships. I am still against pedophilic relationships (no 45 year old should be romancing a 14 year old, that's even weird if the older person is only 20) mostly for power/submission/abuse of situation circumstances. I think that every person over the age of 17 should be able to get married, or not, and still have the "benefits" that come with marriage today, if they want them. I think it's time to move on from this archaic version of relationships and into the 21st century.

The election

I recently had a discussion with a friend about the election and the outcomes and why I am glad Obama won, and why he was not so glad about it. It made me realize that different personal issues can really make a huge difference in how someone views the election.

 Let me preface this by saying, I voted third party, I knew Obama would win in my state and feel that third party voting in the US has turned into a way to get some new ideas introduced in the 2 party system we have, but I did not expect my third party to win. However, if I were voting in a swing state, you can bet I would have voted for Obama, no hesitation at all.


For me, the election was a LOT about social and feminist issues. I wasn't able to vote in any of the states questioning the legality of same sex marriage so that was only on the back burner for me, however, the presidential election could also influence that a lot, so it was on my mind. I realize that Obama's plan for social assistance will not solve all problems and will probably run the country into debt more so than it is now, but I also realize that at least he is trying to do something for the issues that arise. Obamacare will not cover everyone, nor will it solve the "healthcare crisis" but I think it is a step in the right direction. I know many people do not get treated for things because they are not covered by insurance, and they probably put themselves at a much higher risk for long-term issues down the line. Further, I understand the arguments that welfare is just feeding lazy people (sometimes it's true) but without providing any services to our poor and disabled we are forcing them to continue being poor, but in worse conditions than they are now. Many social service organizations provide job training and clothing for interviews to encourage these people to get work, but when there are no jobs, they are also there to provide food, shelter, and counseling to these people. But MOST importantly, I want to be able to know I will have access to birth control on my health insurance, I want to know that abortion has a fighting chance as a last resort if I were to have a major issue, and I want to know that someone else's values are not being forced on my vagina. To me, even though I don't necessarily agree with everything Obama said, I know he was the only other choice (in the US system) to Romney, who I also don't agree with on a lot of things. That being said Obama is my choice, and I'm happy with what we have. There will never be a candidate that I agree with 100%, and because of that we have to pick the lesser of the two evils.


For my friend, the issue of the election was swayed by his personal wealth. He is not happy where he is in life, he is not feeling that any of Obama's policies have helped him directly and he thinks that changing that will help him. He specifically told me "my personal wealth has not increased, and Obama is supposed to be for the middle class, what about me?" Keep in mind that he was "let go" from his job about 2 years ago for stubborn behavior and was unemployed for quite a while before finding a job that paid about 1/2 the salary of his last job. I understand people are suffering from the economy, but it struck me as odd that he would hope for Romney (who would leave him uninsured and with limited resources if he were to lose his job again) instead of Obama. However, I did not fully consider what the changes would be for an unemployed man in his late 40s with 6 kids (not my friend). My own personal issues also guided my feelings on the election, which I knew, and forced me to see things in a very narrow light. Although, I am soo happy that the senators and representatives with uninformed and ridiculous statements about rape were voted out.

With some of my other friends I discussed mandatory voting, and my discussion with my friend about personal issues guiding the election made me realize that mandatory voting would at least force everyone to make some kind of decision that would be closest to their opinion. But with mandatory voting, we would need a much better education system about the choices, we would need to direct our focus on the election not on voting ads against someone, but on education about all of the candidates views. And this would require much more than one day off to vote (I did not get the day off) but would require almost a week worth of education to cover the issues, the topics, and their proposed solutions. Even once we got the lessons we would have to somehow convince everyone to understand that not all of their proposed solutions will come through, they are not promises, but hopes.

I voted to support myself, and I think most voters in America did as well. I can only hope that that man in his late 40s with 6 kids voted for himself too.

Feminists

Damn feminists, always going out and being loud and obvious and stuff. No, but I do think that lately there seem to be a lot of new feminist out there blasting their voice (me included). In a way I hope this is not a fad and that it sticks around to make people remember feminism not as the bra-less revolution of the past, but the funny, brash, and obvious version of today (the best thing would be for people to think of it as both things). I recently read a review for another feminist comedy book, and while I'm excited people are writing about it (no, I don't remember what the book was called or who it was by) I feel like we need to branch out and not be stuck in a rut we are getting ourselves into. I still want to be a feminist that decides to bike down a busy road (maybe not during rush hour, because I'm not crazy) just because I know I can, and one who is not afraid to ask for a raise, or for a job, when I know that I deserve it (by the way, I got a JOB!!), or one who is not afraid to volunteer at a construction oriented volunteer site. I enjoy the comedy, and I love and appreciate that they can write it so well, but I am worried that the more people who write these books, the less of an impact the few books out there will have, because they will all be shoved into a corner of their own genre.

So feminists, stay visible, but be unique enough to stand out by yourself, as a woman, and as an individual. And, can we please not talk about vaginas so much?

Jobs

Yesterday, I was placed in an interesting position. I was called in the morning (while at work) and offered a job at a different agency. My bosses at my current job scrambled to get approval to offer me a more permanent position here, and I sat, stressed and distracted about my future while trying to finish work for the projects I have been assigned now. In all of this time, I discussed the possibilities with my friends and family to get input to make my decision. I was told not to trust my current employer if they "promised" me a job, and I was told to take the job that offers more money, and I was told to think about it as potentially only a temporary position, but I was also told "women don't make as much money in the workplace because they aren't pushy, just go into your bosses office and demand that they offer you something".

I agree that women often step back and let the world give them what the world wants to give them, but at what point does pushy become annoying. I feel like I was in the right, I informed my boss of my position and when I have to let the other agency know, and they worked hard to get approval for an offer. I think there really is a good balance between waiting it out to see what you get offered and going in to demand something, but what defines that line, and when does crossing it, or not crossing it really end up giving you the short end of the stick?

Where women should be

This article is focused on women with children, but a lot of the statistics are about women in general, whether it be life expectancy or women in government positions, Go women!

Fashion

I kinda love fashion (as in wearable fashion). I would love to have a never ending closet of clothes, or one that just changes every two weeks, but that's not me, I actually only own enough clothes for a little over a week before I HAVE to do laundry or I literally will not have a clean shirt to wear to work (or clean underwear for that matter, but no one notices that, right?)

This website is super awesome, but also a little bit too hipster for me.

As winter approaches it makes me realize that I don't have enough fall/winter clothes and only really have summer clothes still (I've only been in Chicago for two years, give me a break!)

However, listening to everyone around me, I actually think fashion (in a wearable sense) is less of a girly thing that it is originally thought to be. Guys are always saying that fall is their favorite season "because the clothes is so much better, I get to wear jackets and sweaters". I guess... but I also guess it's true what they say, guys don't really  notice what girls are wearing (or not wearing!) season to season, so maybe I'll just wear sweatpants to work (ew) or start dressing in costumes as my friend and I recently discussed, today would be so much more exciting if I were in costume.

Compliments

Yesterday I had one of those days where people complimented me a lot. It made me wonder if women get more compliments than men, or if perhaps more men hand out compliments than women.

I know it's not a totally feminist entry, but I do remember a female coworker telling me I have a gorgeous smile the other day. That compliment (ie: one that I didn't feel would be followed with an "are you single?") meant more to me than some of the compliments I get from other random people around town. I think, to continue the good feelings, I am going to try to compliment people more, and maybe focus on not ONLY complimenting women, because they must get more frequent compliments. Maybe women are just easier to approach than men?

Femininity

I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and made a comment about how I'm not the most feminine worman in the world; his response was "but aren't you a feminist!?" I realize he was joking, but it did get me thinking about how feminism isn't associated with feminine attributes. Maybe our definition of what is feminine is wrong, we don't need makeup and pretty clothes to be feminine we just have to be comfortable in ourselves as women. All women are feminine, we are born as women. I guess I should have said I'm not the most "girly" or the most "concerned with my looks" or something. The truth is I *am* concerned with my looks, but not if it will require me to NOT do something I want to do, or will require me to wake up an extra half an hour early just to put makeup on.

I think it's time to take back the word feminine, I am feminine, I'm just not the most ..... I don't like the word girly here either.

Girls

I was going to write about how I watched the Sex and the City episode that Miranda is assumed to be a lesbian and gets an "in" with her boss at her firm because of it. Of course, the actual episode is about how single women are the enemies of attached women or that they need to be "figured out". Of course, sometimes that's the case, it just makes people uncomfortable to see something so different from what they see as normal.

But I'm not actually going to write about that (yet) I definitely want to eventually though because it is an interesting idea, that single women are enemies of attached women, or that they are inherently different.

Instead I'm going to write about this article I found in Good Magazine about the program Girls Who Code which helped lower income girls in the New York area learn some coding before college to get them prepared for the tech world. I love this idea because I think I would have loved to do computer science, I just didn't really know it was out there and hadn't learned any code before college, so I didn't want to be the stupid one in classes. So I just want to say go Girls Who Code! You're doing awesome things, not only for lower income people, but for women. The more women in computer science, the more women who will be able to make the computer technology and society less scary for more women to use!

Stomping around like she owns the place

Women are often portrayed as overbearing
when they are doing their job
(but I love both of these women's outfits!)

I was talking to a friend the other day and while we were discussing some of the aesthetic "improvements" going up around Chicago, he mentioned that the woman who works for the city on pedestrian experience and aesthetics always "stomps around the office like she owns the place". While I agree that it's strange to have someone stomp around like they are the top of the food chain when they aren't, it got me thinking that maybe we only notice when women do this. How often do you hear someone mentioning a man do that? (and yet, I'm sure men still do)

The few interactions I've had with her have been pleasant enough, though I agree that I also noticed that she acted as if her contributions were more important than the overall project (for part of the conversation anyway) but the more I think about it, we need someone like that fighting for pedestrian aesthetic experience or the program would never get anything done.

At what point are women actually overbearing, or just not acting feminine?

Hillary!

One of the most feminist loved women of today!

Interviewer: Okay. Which designers do you prefer? 

Hillary Clinton: What designers of clothes? 

Interviewer: Yes. 

Hillary Clinton: Would you ever ask a man that question? 

Interviewer: Probably not. Probably not.

[Via UniteWomen.org; State.gov]

Helen Gurley Brown

I loved Cosmo when I was subscribed to it, the gossip, the sex tips, the stupid makeup tips that I never used, the weight loss tips that most people should know, but mostly the fact that it was a magazine that encouraged women to be girly AND to be strong. Women can get whatever they want if they work hard enough for it, and I think that is one of the edicts behind Cosmo, even though the articles are usually titled "what he really wants" etc etc. Yesterday a past editor for Cosmo and author of Sex and the Single Girl died and I think that there is really something to be noted about that. Not many women go from normal to editor of Cosmo, and not many women, especially not in her time, were willing to stand up and say that single girls were even allowed to have sex!

She said it best when she said "Cosmo is feminist in that we believe women are just as smart and capable as men and can achieve anything they want. But it also acknowledges that while work is important, men are, too. The Cosmo girl absolutely loves men!" I think we need more women to continue her legacy and I know her presence will be missed but her work will continue on.

Good job being a feminist Helen Gurley Brown!

The Olympics

Beyond making me want to get into better shape, the Olympics are a great example of female strength. Just look at this woman, the first to represent Saudi Arabia in the Olympics. I can't even imagine the stigma that comes with being an Olympian in the US as a woman, but just try to think about the hoops this woman had to jump through to get where she is. Further, she's competing fully covered in clothes, I am sure that extra weight/wind resistance takes a couple microseconds off of her race speed.



Good job! I think countries are beginning to see that women around the world are able to do what they want to do if they work hard for it! It will take a few more leaps and bounds, but eventually we will get there. I know I'm not the only woman standing behind you, Sarah Attar, good job and good luck in everything else you do. Keep running!

Chick-Fil-A

I've noticed lately that while I love feminist blogs and love people who tout feminism, I often disagree with a lot of the things that people say under the guise of "feminism".  Yes, I believe that women should be able to do and say what they please, so keep tooting your own horn and announcing your feelings to the world, but reading some blogs today I realize that feminists are just like every other groups. One feminist blog posted about the Chick-Fil-A scandal and refused to admit she was not quite correct by saying that no government official had actually stopped/tried to stop Chick-Fil-A from establishing in their jurisdiction. Stating repeatedly that unbacked threats do not count. But, while I am fully against the Chick-Fil-A statements and monetary support to anti homosexual organizations, I would never think it is ok to establish rules that forbid Chick-Fil-A specifically from establishing in a jurisdiction just for that reason. Barring breaking the law, Chick-Fil-A should be able to establish where it is allowed. If a mayor or alderman were to ban all fast-food oriented restaurants citing health or cleanliness or "livability" findings, that's fine, but that's not just Chick-Fil-A and that defends a certain principle that the jurisdiction could support.

I know I shouldn't be allowed to think that feminists should all be educated on these things, nor should I expect that they are all willing to admit when there is a slight issue with what they say, but I want feminists to be willing to do all of those things, and do them without hesitation. Then again, I don't agree with everyone who supports anything I support 100%, therefore, I guess I can't expect feminism to be that way.

Side note: I moved last week, and it's incredible to live by yourself!

Feminist move of the day/week: biking through town in the rain in a pencil skirt.

To ask or not to ask

This week I worked way too much on a couple days, packed all of my belongings into my bedroom (I actually have a lot more than I expected and a lot more than I feel like I should need... this will have to be remedied) and still was able to make it out to one movie in the park to grab a few of the last Chicago summer activities.

In the process of working too much I sat in a car for 8 hours on Wednesday and counted parked cars along one roadway as another woman drove up and down the street. During the trip we discussed everything from living alone, to toilet training cats, to our jobs and our boyfriends. She recently got contacted by another company which wants to offer her higher pay for her to quit her current job and move over there. Working for the same company for 4.5 years she has some loyalties, and mentioned she was reserved about leaving the company for the same type of work, even if they do offer her more money, unless it is a significant amount more. But she mentioned that the intern who rode with her for the previous few days was quick to jump on her discussing with her boss how to get a raise by telling them she would leave b/c of the higher pay.

While I can understand his automatic response, I understand her desire to stay with her company as well. Working in one company for that long you develop friendships and a comfortable work environment as well as have a connection to specific projects. But, it made me realize that the gut reactions so many articles about feminism say are correct. She is hesitant to mention the offer to her boss unless she is seriously considering it, I suggested mentioning it, and asking for a minor raise as an incentive to stay even if she doesn't actually want to take the other job. Men get paid more in the workplace because they are not as afraid, or as tentative about asking for a raise, while women are more loyal to their workplace, coworkers, and projects. This may  not be the only reason women are paid less, but it is a huge contributing factor. I think a consulting firm can afford to give a raise when an employee is in high enough demand to be receiving offers from other companies, and I think that a woman deserves a raise for just that reason, just as much as a man would. I encouraged her multiple times in the course of this conversation to at least breach the subject with her boss, and I hope that one day, if I am ever in the same situation, I will do the same.

Related to the picture, I think I need to make myself a vagina cake!

Favorite Feminist move of the day: encouraging a woman to ask for what she deserves!

The Beginning

I'm not sure if this is about the beginning of my life, the beginning of my realization that I was a feminist (which.. I'm not sure when that was) or about the beginning of my realization that I need to be more active as a feminist. Simply declaring myself such is suddenly not enough for me. I need to start standing up for my rights by more than just utilizing every right that I feel is there for me to use, but by allowing other women to know they have rights as well, and they should be using them.
I will admit that in the past I have not been the most ardent feminist, I have allowed people (men and women) to step on me and use me because I feel more in a position of weakness than them. I will also admit that every time I allowed that to happen (simply because I have a meeker personality) I regretted it afterward. Looking back on some of these moments now, I realize they do not make me LESS of a feminist, but they DO make me less able to really live up to what feminism means to me. From now on I will try my hardest to not have the same philosophy of the image included in this post, I will work to figure out what feminism really means to me, and I will continue to act through my belief that women are equal to men, just as I am equal to any person in so many senses of the word. I understand that there are still power dynamics, but there are some power dynamics that cannot be stepped on; sexual harassment, different expectations; and so many other factors will be documented in this blog as I come across them.
I have picked up two "feminist" books in the last year; one declared as such, How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran, and one that just feels like it in its core, Bossypants by Tina Fey. These are both comedies, shedding light on the fights we all find in identifying what defines us in our roles in life. This blog will serve as my feminist manifesto about my life. I want to identify what makes me a feminist, what makes me who I am.

Favorite feminist move of the day: Starting a blog about it!