NSA leaks

Everyone is hearing about the Edward Snowden debacle, leaking NSA secrets is big news, but one of the things I've heard about more than maybe I want to, is his girlfriend. In case you haven't heard something about her, she was a pole dancer (though, not a stripper as I understand it, but a circus type dancer). Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's interesting who he was dating, where he was living, his history, everything. But I only like that stuff because I am a natural investigative person, not because it is actually relevant to the situation.

I really just want to write about a friend of mine in relation to this whole thing. We were discussing the articles, for some reason, and his comment was "how does a guy with barely a high school degree get a pole dancer girlfriend"... ummm.. ask her out?

First off, most pole dancers are actually normal REAL PEOPLE! no way!!  I mean.. they might be in better shape than a lot of people, because that kind of thing requires a lot of muscle, but they aren't gods or anything, and I'm sure they would appreciate you not thinking they are.

Second, getting a higher degree doesn't make you a better person, and sometimes, it doesn't even help you succeed in life. In Snowden's case, he was making a lot of money, doing something he loved to do and was great at doing, and did it all without a degree. Don't get me wrong, I think education is great to have, and I love a well educated person, but if there is a person who is great at what they do and smart, they don't need an education.

Third, If you really want to date a pole dancer, and that's your goal in life, go out and date a pole dancer. Follow your dreams!

And fourth, I feel bad for that girl, she is going through a crazy possible break up and dealing with unexpected media attention all at the same time, not a position I would want to be in.

Raunch Culture

I just finished a book called "Female Chauvinist Pigs" and it was actually really good, if not a little outdated because all of the popular references were from 2004. In the book, the author discusses how the new culture of proudly displaying sexuality and "sexiness" is seen as a feminist advancement, when (in her opinion) it really isn't. I agree with her on many counts, most importantly that the porn culture, and the absolute sexualization of women is not actually a feminist freedom, men are the ones in charge of this business and much of the "sexy" stuff we do is to gain the approval of men. Women spend so much time trying to get men to notice them in a sexual way that they ignore the fact that that should not be our main goal in life.

The saddest part to me was when she recounted interviews with 16 year olds who lost their virginity to someone because "that's what {the guy} wanted". If we feel our only value is as sexual objects, we will not continue to advance as educated, dedicated members of the profitable world. I would hope that people are more comfortable losing their virginity when they are ready, rather than when their crush or boyfriend is ready, but I think that may not be the case. My cousin, at 15, already is being pressured into sexual acts by the sheer peer pressure of everyone doing it (not by one person, but by the culture) and I worry that she and many other teenagers are unhealthily sexual because of the expectations that have been laid out.

However, I do not agree that this culture is completely backwords from feminism. I think the sexualization is part of the rebellion from generations of sexual repression that we as a gender experienced (not that men didn't also experience it because of the overall culture). And I think that eventually we will simmer down and stop being so ridiculously sexually exposed. I think it is at least healthy to open discussions about sexuality and not judge someone for being sexual, but now, it has almost gotten to the point of being the other direction where people with no desire to be sexualized are considered prudes.

While I don't support forcing everyone to wear skin baring clothing or sleep with any man that thinks they are attractive, I refuse to be told what I can't wear by men who ask me out after blatantly stating they are looking for someone to marry who will have their kids because they are ready to settle down with a housewife. One of my Facebook associates recently posted a video by a female discussing the evolution of swimwear, and I actually do agree with some of what the woman says about how the newest bikinis are ridiculously skin baring (though.. not all of them are, mine certainly isn't) and how we really don't need to wear that tiny of clothing, I resent someone saying to me "modesty is a blessing". Maybe modesty isn't a blessing to me, or maybe I just really want a tan on parts of my body that have never been exposed to the sun before, but either way, I will wear the bathing suit that I want to wear, and the only time you should be allowed to tell me differently is if I'm legally not allowed to wear it (ie: sometimes topless isn't allowed) or you can bring it up as a discussion if I am in a relationship with you. And that is why I think raunch culture is so popular, no one wants to be told they must or can't wear certain clothes, and if they are told so, many of us want to do the opposite. So, pretty soon I think we will all start wearing baggy turtlenecks around in the summer, but no one should be able to tell us we can't!

(side note, this is definitely not where I thought this blog post was going, but it did!)

Pro-Abstinence Education

I read this article recently, about how Elizabeth Smart spoke out against pro-abstinence sex education and I think more people should read this article (it's actually not a great article) and think about it a little more. I understand a certain point of saying it's ok to want to wait, and you should, but if you don't, you're still OK. I don't know that completely ignoring pro-abstinence education is a good thing, but I think continuing to support anti-sex education is a bad thing. We need to not teach these children (and young adults, and adults for that matter) that sex is a bad/scary/shameful thing. There are many amazing things about sex, one of the great ones is the intimacy it can help foster between two people, but there is also a time when sex is not good in a relationship, or when you should know to say no.


I am going to keep my eye on this story line and see if anything else comes up. I don't think that Elizabeth Smart would have escaped her kidnapper sooner, or how it would have changed her opinion of what was happening, but I do know that I have many friends who were soooo scared to talk about sex in high school. We need to make it ok to talk about, that way when it does come time to say "no, I'm not ready" it feels OK to say that as well!

Sex Appeal

There is a saying that a nice suit on a guy is the same thing as lingerie on a woman in terms of sex appeal.. but maybe we're taking that a bit to far when we as a culture expect female morning news broadcasters to pose "sexily" on the table next to their co hosts to sell a magazine. Granted, this was a Vanity Fair magazine..but still. For reference, the second photo is a picture of Mika Brzezinski on the job, and I actually think she looks way sexier in that photo than in the first one.

Slate included a link to the first photo in an article about how female news anchors are expected to be sleeveless, but professional, and show off some leg. What?! I think that the sexification of women has kinda gone too far, shouldn't news anchors be reporting on the news and look more like business people, or maybe just like casual women? In the article they point out that some anchors show up to work looking more like they are going out to a club, and less like they are going to a professional environment. GQ also did a similar article where they had news anchor Megyn Kelly pose partially naked and talked about how hot she is, not about how well she reports the news or can independently comment on newsworthy items.

I agree with the Slate article that this is completely ridiculous, and probably needs to stop. It's great that these women are in good shape, but it should not be a requirement of the job to (even at 45) be able to balance sexily on a table in stilletos on one leg and your arms while you gaze admiringly at your fellow newscaster who smiles knowingly into the camera.

I think if we're going to have women do this, we should have men do this too, but really, I think neither should be. Knowledge and clarity should be the selling factors in news, not looks. I can understand expecting presentable attire and looks, but this has just gone too far.

Domestic Violence

I saw this ad on another blog, but my sister sent a link to the Jezebel article that talks about it. I think it is important to cover this at least to some extent. It's crazy that this is beginning to show up in Saudi Arabia, but it is GREAT that it is. I think this is a good sign that the Saudi Arabians are beginning to think of women as people (to some extent) rather than property. They also recently allowed women to ride bikes... for fun... And recently women began demanding the right to drive by driving!

Basically, even though this is a small step, it is a step, and as every runner/walker/jogger/person knows, you can't move forward if you don't start with one step (or push or whatever).

Business Success

My sister texted this image of an ad she saw in an airport to me. The signs of business success seem to have stayed the same, even when women have begun taking over parts of it... maybe? I personally would not want to smoke a cigar and wear a very... large suit jacket if I became successful in business... Do you think they just photoshopped a woman's head and hand into this picture? I'm starting to think that maybe they did...  But, it's good to see that this company doesn't think that women will change business at all, even when they get what they deserve after they negotiate..... or not?

On a side note, the successful, unmarried, "older" women in China are "leftovers" and need to be rejected as a societal issue according to the phrase being used to describe them. If only slut or bitch also sounded like another word in the English language that meant victorious or successful or something, then we could reclaim those words as well as the women in China are doing with shengnu!  Still good job figuring out how to reclaim that, I like it!

Marriage

I read Jezebel, probably more than I should, and this article is one of the best they've posted so far (kinda). I actually think that sometimes Jezebel is too extreme for me, I mean, I'm a feminist, but they go around bashing people for claiming feminists are anti male, but some of their stuff comes off as very anti male. But this article is so... neutral... in a way, and I love that her point is a little bit about how the woman who wrote the article needs to tone down her ideas about marriage and that a woman shouldn't need to convince a man to marry her, but really, she argues that "marriage for marriage's sake isn't how people become happy." I love that she says that. It's true that if you are happy with who you are, you will not become MORE happy because of marriage, but most importantly, if you're unhappy, marriage won't solve that. Go figure out who you can become to make you happy and do that, then decide if you want to get married, don't go changing your life/personality/looks just because someone won't marry you for it.

 

Thank you for presenting a totally acceptable idea about marriage. If you're already unhappy, get happy, then get married. If you don't, your marriage will probably be unhappy!

Birth Control

I got on birth control when I was 18 (I think). I wasn't fully sexually active (ie: had not had intercourse yet) but was in a committed relationship and wanted to be safe when the time came. I remained on "the pill" (in my case, Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo) until I turned 23 and was in a long distance relationship that would be more economically reasonable to use condoms in since we saw each other only about once every three months or so. After getting off the pill, I remembered that my period was crazy before the pill, but luckily, it resumed a normal clock-work cycle and was only moderately heavier than when I was on the pill.


I am known among my friends to be a bit of a hippy, I use a menstrual cup (for waste reasons, but also IT IS AMAZING!!) and fairly often "forget" to shave my legs. So when I began researching the intrauterine device (when I was about 20) it came as no surprise to them at all. When I was 23 I finally found a doctor that was willing to insert one for me. In Texas there is a pretty strong aversion to any unusual birth control methods. After countless hours of research I decided I did not want to have hormones injected into my system any more and opted for a ParaGard IUD, this one can remain inside for up to 10 years, but is not known to relieve any period issues as the Mirena one is.

The ParaGard has more immediate risks associated with it: increased cramping, increased blood flow, etc. This still seemed like the best option for me because it lasts longer (the Mirena can only be inside for 5 years) and didn't release hormones (even though I never had any negative effects from the hormones). I will admit that the first day of my period always leaves me wondering if I am bleeding to death (note: I was always a heavy bleeder, so this isn't too much more extreme than before), and I do get cramps now that are a little worse than I used to, but the freedom of knowing I don't have to think about birth control all the time is amazing. I still think using condoms at the beginning of a relationship until you are both comfortable with trusting the other person and have talked about it, and I would never have a one night stand or casual sex without using a condom (birth control does not protect against STDs!!) but if I were raped, or if a condom were to break, at least I know I wouldn't get pregnant from it, which is one less thing to have to worry about. I realize that rape is the absolute WORST thing to think of, but it is one of the worst case scenarios that ran through my head.

Now, up until recently, doctors have been encouraged to not recommend an IUD to a person who has not had a kid. It is true that sometimes an IUD will not work for a woman who has not had a kid yet because their uterus is too short for it to be inserted (I have a friend who had this situation, so it is actually true) but if it does fit, I think it is a great solution to having to worry about birth control. I grew up in California, so I got a fairly decent sexual education course, and believe me, having sex ed and being prepared for sex does not make you more sexually promiscuous (I didn't lose my virginity until 19). This article (yes, it's Jezebel, so take it with a grain of salt) explains that some studies are recommending IUDs for teenagers (yay! irresponsible people should never be in charge of taking a pill every day that will ensure they don't get pregnant when there are other solutions!)

Harassment

My sister (who I share a blog with!!) recently moved and has been slowly making new friends and integrating herself into the community she is now living in. Recently, she met some people on the bus and traded numbers with them (yes, they were guys, and yes, she understands that though she has a boyfriend they probably all just want to get into her pants). Moving to a new town puts a person in a tender spot, trying to make friends and learn about new activities sometimes forces you to put yourself out there more than you might in a city you were already comfortable in.

One of the people she gave her number to texted her a few times that evening and the following day. The third day of knowing this guy he began texting her repeatedly throughout the day and began insinuating they were destined to be lovers (or something of the sort) she responded occasionally and did not respond favorably to his suggestions in that regard. By the end of the evening he grew annoyed and his texts became menacing, threatening to rape her, and making other inappropriate comments after she said it wasn't funny to joke about rape (which he had done in a previous text). Upon searching for his name and any other information we could gather about him, we discovered he was 33 (not 25 like he said) was probably not a student at the university she is attending, though he said he was, and was possibly wanted for animal cruelty (specifically, murdering his dog). Of course, this freaked both of us out even more and she called the police about him, though he had stopped texting her and unfriended her on Facebook. The cop couldn't find any information about a warrant out for his arrest but did help her file a quick report about the harassment just in case he started up again.


This story, and this entire situation obviously scared me. Not only was I scared for her, she has actually been stalked before in a more scary way as well, but I was scared for every person who ever tries to move to a new city. This type of thing SHOULD NOT HAPPEN. Giving your number to someone does not guarantee a date, it doesn't even promise you will text them back, but further, it definitely does not mean they can harass you and threaten you. I am SO SO SO thankful that that is all this guy did to her, if he had attempted to rape her, or done worse, you can bet I would be sitting behind bars and that guy would not have any reproductive organs. This man, (possibly not) a productive member of society, acted friendly and looked like a normal person on the bus. It is terrifying that a person can be trying to make new friends, experience a city, and learn everything they can to make a place feel like home and one small attempt can turn into a terrifying experience.

I only hope that IF this guy does still have a warrant out for his arrest he is discovered soon. I love that the officer my sister talked to joked with her to help allay her fears as well as researched everything she told him. If he had questioned her assessment of the harassment I would have maybe lost faith in that much more of society. No one should be afraid to turn to authorities or to tell someone they don't want to talk to them.

If someone is not showing obvious signs that they are interested, don't push. Most girls do not play "hard to get", they actually really just don't want to talk to you.

Beauty

I recently watched that video that Dove put out that is passing around about being our own worst critics. (If you haven't seen it, read this article and watch the video). And while I love the idea of the video, I also agree with this woman's point about it. We shouldn't be only looking at fairly traditionally beautiful women and saying they are beautiful, and we shouldn't be only focusing on beauty as our main goal in life. Granted.... we also have to consider that Dove is a beauty product company, so ..... it is reasonable for them to be focusing on beauty as a goal. I also think that sometimes people take things way out of perspective.

Related to how women are prized for their looks, I want to discuss the Obama comment about "the best looking" Attorney General. I personally believe that that shows something GREAT about our government. It doesn't come off sounding as if he is praising only her looks, it comes off as if they are friends and have a good relationship (not a sexual relationship). I think we need to understand that these people are people, and that sometimes their lives don't ONLY exist in the camera's eyes. Maybe Obama and his wife often have Kamala Harris over for dinner and are friends with her, or maybe they became friends when randomly sitting next to each other at a speech and one of them commented on the fact that the speaker's pants were tucked into her socks and they both shared a small laugh, blooming a friendship from common experiences of working/living the government. However, I also understand people's points.

I think we need to take these things with a slight skepticism, but sometimes we need to look at the other side of them, and understand that everyone is not OUT TO GET THE FEMALES OF THE WORLD, but really... just living their lives, or trying to sell a product. I think these things both have good sides even if they aren't perfect, and we shouldn't deride people for trying to help with the feminist agenda if they don't do it perfectly, at least they are doing SOMETHING, a lot of people aren't even trying!

Cat Calling

Lately I have been reading Jezebel and Bitch Magazine and one of the things that comes up frequently is cat calling, and not really in a nice way. Here's an article about just that. I always feel a little bit conceited, a little bit.... vain maybe, when I talk about getting cat called, at some point I decided that I wasn't going to take it as an insult to female kind, I was going to take it as a compliment. And even though it does sometimes temporarily make me feel good about myself, it also, in the long run, and most of the time, makes me feel disgusting. There are the guys who, like a guy this morning, say "you look beautiful today" and then there are the guys that drive by slowly with their window down saying "I love you" and making kissy noises out their window. But this seems to happen to a lot of people, all the time. I, luckily, have not had to deal with a public display of masturbation (yet), and I hope I will never have to. I know that in the long run these people will not crack through my confidence, even if I occasionally have outbursts of anger about it. I want to say to these people "yes, I'm beautiful, but I also have a master's degree, so I'm smart, and I work on an urban farm/construction site, so I'm strong, and I support myself, so I'm able, beauty is only a minor part of the equation, and probably the least significant (at least I hope)". But I would rather have the people who call me beautiful than the friends who start out as friends and then slowly start making sexual innuendo jokes in my direction, and I question every time if they are masturbating while making these jokes, and I wonder why I don't cut it off before it gets that far. I try my hardest not to play along.. but it happens, and I get on with my life. I remain friends with these people, and some of them get over the joking, some of them never do, and luckily, I have never had anyone actually try to touch me inappropriately even if they do joke. I think I need to make a commitment to myself to not stand for this stuff any more. I deserve to be friends with people without the sexual jokes, and if you can't handle friendship with me for my personality, then maybe we shouldn't be friends.

On a side note, I am also a bit of a cat lady.

Marriage

Lately I have read a lot of articles about marriage, either about how having children before marriage is a growing trend and what this means for the relationship/the children, or how it is OK to get married young, even how celebrities are getting married young purely because they have the resources (and I guess the rest of the world doesn't?) to be reckless when they are young.

I think the one thing I've gathered from all of these articles is that it's ok to get married young, if you want to. But most of all, I think we need to stop judging other people's decisions on when to get married, or not get married. I have spent a lot of time talking with my friends about other friends who got married way too young, but this is really just an opinion about it. In this article, the author points out that marriage didn't used to be something you did after you got your life figured out, but it was a way of getting support from a loved one (or.... a prescribed person) to get to that place in your life where you have your life figured out.

Maybe the author has something there, I mean, one of the reasons a lot of arranged marriages ended with the two people loving each other is because they experienced a lot of life together. Not that today's marriages are the same as an arranged marriage (and yes, I know arranged marriage still happen) but they do require a certain amount of growing with the person you are with in order to succeed.

I'm not about to run out and get married, it's not what I want to do, I love my independence and can't imagine being tied to someone in that way right now, but I will definitely stop judging my friends who are married and who chose to marry young. They aren't throwing away their independence, they are combining their independences, which doesn't necessarily make them less independent.

Courting

The idea of actually courting a person seems so.... old fashioned to me. I wouldn't want someone buying me stuff and trying to prove they could be a "good man" just to go broke doing it, or stop the second they've "won" me. What I would want in a person is someone I can get along with and be comfortable with and who is responsible with their own stuff, including their finances, but also their emotions (in that they don't need to feel like they need to prove that they are a good man, I want them to just BE a good man).



A few articles have come to my attention recently about how the internet and technology has destroyed courting and dating in the old sense. And they point out that dating roles have changed so it makes it harder, and confusing for people to date because it has previously so clearly defined (or, so we like to think). The Slate Magazine article points out that maybe we shouldn't be so sad about this, maybe we should be embracing the new definitions of dating as we struggle to actually come up with rules. The Guardian News article (shared with my by one of my friends) asks if the NY Times article that both of them are discussing is really a little late in the game of discovery that courtship is dead. In all honesty, I agree, courtship is dead, and I'm glad. One thing that technology brings into this too, you can get to know a person a lot quicker, people text all the time, or Facebook message, so don't start by asking them out, chat and see if you'll actually get along.

Understandably, there is a lot of confusion and awkwardness about it. However, there are also some really important things to note, and one of them is to respond to body language! This article, in Jezebel, discusses how to approach a woman and not seem like a creep. But, in all honesty, in the article and the comments the discussion of how every woman is different shows up. And, this is true, not all women want the same thing, nor do they think the same things are creepy. If a woman is obviously trying to walk away, or is answering your questions with short, curt answers, then maybe you should back off.

One of the most interesting things about that Jezebel article, to me, is the comment a man made "For all the talk about gender stereotypes and gender equality, I think this is one area that is still completely lopsided and puts all of the pressure on men. I'm not saying it's fair or not fair, but when we live in a society where the norm is for the man (I'm talking about heterosexual relationships here) to be the aggressor, doesn't that just automatically set the tone for men to be the dominant one in heterosexual relationships? In other words, can we have true equality between men and women if we never get to the point where it's just as normal and expected for women to hit on men?" and of course, the comments that followed about how men actually often find that a turn-off and that many women who hit on men are seen as "weird". I love that idea, I, for one, have not usually hidden when I am interested in a man, and usually encourage them to ask me out, if I don't just go right out and do it myself if I am interested. Similar to the discussion though, I have found that the men I have aggressively sought tend to be insecure in relationships, and I end up doing a lot, or men get scared off, so generally I don't actually ask a guy out. 

This whole thing just brings about so many discussion topics in my mind though, and it makes me love the potential the world has right now for so many different relationships to bloom.  I urge you to all consider the change in dating norms not as a hindrance to your ability to date, but rather as an adventure, one where you get to choose your own ending. 

Abortion after Rape

New Mexico is trying to pass a law that will prosecute women who get an abortion after rape as "tampering with evidence". These people are stretching the definition of evidence and they should absolutely  not be able to pass this. Luckily, according to the article "The bill is unlikely to pass, as Democrats have a majority in both chambers of New Mexico's state legislature" but I would be there to protest if it DID pass.

Also, I think that Rep. Cathrynn Brown should have to take care of every woman who is raped for the next 5 years for just proposing this, whether or not they get an abortion. She should have to drive them to the hospital and to their therapy sessions and feed them and check on each one every day. She obviously doesn't know the emotional toll this kind of thing can have on a woman, so she should be exposed to it! (also, DON'T re-elect her!!!)

Dating Apps

I was on the train the other day and saw someone on an app designed to get single people dates. Kinda like Grindr but for straight people (it wasn't ... Zoosk, the one that you see advertised everywhere, it was Singlesomething, I didn't recognize it) and the guy opened a picture of a girl, zoomed in on her body and moved the picture around, zoomed out, and moved on to the next picture. It kinda made me sad that a person who would download a singles app is still only focusing on looks. Not only that, I was right next to him, if he really wanted to meet girls he should just start talking to them!

Not that I don't accept that looks are important to both genders, I think I could never date a man who was obese (maybe that's partially about lifestyle, but also about sexual attraction), but the fact that he did not even look at her face made me a little sad. He could have maybe seen other pictures where her face was more prominent before this one, I don't know, but still, maybe we should be moving beyond the dating solely for looks and more into realizing that everyone has their flaws, and if her body doesn't look bad in the normal sized picture, zooming in won't make it any more clear. (That's also kinda creepy...)

Planning for Women

In school for Urban Planning it always bothered me that urban planning for women really was just planning for families. Women without families were largely ignored (except for the occasional night time security detail at a transit station mention) and I hated that that wasn't specified as planning for families, separate from planning for women. Sometimes (and more often now) men are the stay-at-home parent, if there is one, or the main caretaker of the children, so it really isn't planning for women, it's planning for children.

Women actually were the first computer scientists

But, this article, which is amazing, about Google's HR research to keep employees, is also focused on accommodating women who want to have children. Not that that isn't a problem, but there are so many more things to women, and men, that need to be planned to make everyone's life more comfortable. I do agree that extended maternity leave is AMAZING, I can only imagine how hard it would be to have to only take a couple weeks off after pushing a child out of your vagina... but, that's not the only thing. I like that Google is aiming to keep women around, but there's something more about making everyone happier to work there that will make women happier too.

However, I support Google for wanting to keep women around, we are all pretty amazing and companies should want to keep women around.

Vaginas

So, vaginas are naturally an important part of feminism. Not to the extent that Caitlin Moran portrayed them in her book "How to be a Woman", but they are still important. And further, the education of women about their vagina is very important! I went to college in Texas, where the high school curriculum is abstinence only education for students. This, to me, was a complete and utter failure. I have friends who believed the many myths I scoffed at as a high schooler. "You can't get pregnant when it's your first time", "STDs are only transmitted if the guy ejaculates", and so many more. Some of them are partially  based in truth, STDs are much easier to pass when the male ejaculates, and the likelihood of getting pregnant on your first time is low (but not any lower than any other time! it's just that the actual chances of pregnancy depend on so many things there is a very low pregnancy rate for the number of sexual encounters).

However, one of the things that has shocked me the most is when one of my friends told me her parents told her she physically couldn't use a tampon until she had sex, so the mother refused to buy her tampons in high school. I'm not sure if the mother of this girl really believed this myth or not, and yes, if you wanted to TRY to keep your hymen intact, you probably shouldn't use a tampon before sex, but you CAN, and, I personally think you should (if you want to)! When my sister sent me a link to the new Kotex commercial about debunking myths about vaginas I naturally was interested in starting to participate in the movement. Further, some of the comments absolutely shocked me on that article too.

Overall, women just need to learn more about their vaginas! Starting with the absolute basics about actual microbial balance and stuff, we need to really explore the possibility that we can love our vaginas.  In order to get a full understanding about them, we need to research them, and learn what is healthy for them, as well as what is unhealthy. I have family members who suffer from regular yeast infections and have learned many ways to deal with and reduce the chances they will get another one. I also have many friends who have repeatedly gotten Urinary Tract Infections and have turned to me (their most educated friend on the topic, what?!) to help them figure out what to do. I did have two UTIs in my life.. one was absolutely horrendous, and the other one (mostly because I knew what was going on) was moderately bad. I always Google possible pain reduction and prevention methods as well as advise peeing often, etc, but I also insist that they call their doctor. The only thing that actually cured my UTIs were antibiotics. My friends will tell you, I am the last person to turn to medicine in any way, but sometimes that really is the BEST, and maybe only, way to deal with a situation. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. So I do think it is time to start removing these myths from people's ideas of truth, separating the true from the false and educating people about what their vaginas really mean.

Lack of good education is not only bad for women trying to take care of themselves, but for men who are currently in charge of many things women can use to get better education and more health care for sexual/vaginal related issues. Without good education all around we will continue to have men believe a woman cannot get pregnant from rape (it's the 21st century, you should know how a human body works to a good extent in order to pass legislation about how we can use our bodies, rapists should not be allowed to sue the raped victim) and will be forced to continue to contend with people of all age/race/gender/location trying to control free access to support for rape and other issues. Education may be the only cure to crazy things like labiaplasty and misuse of douching. So, forget about that extra study hall and sign everyone up for a comprehensive sexual education course that covers everything you ever needed to know about a vagina.

Violence Against Women

Violence in any gesture is pretty terrible. But sometimes it is necessary, and other times it is purely hateful. The attack on a 23 year old woman in Delhi is gaining so much attention that I wonder, what about all of the other girls who were attacked, and what really makes the final straw, the final straw? Not only is this woman's life over (she died recently after days of struggling to live with internal bleeding and many organ transplants) but many other women probably relive their nightmares that have either gone unreported or under-reported by media outlets. The woman of mention boarded a bus in Delhi with her friend and was then beaten and gang raped by 6 men (who used a metal rod at some point to rape her as well) while the bus was moving. All 6 of the men have been arrested, 5 are being officially tried soon, one is 17 and therefore classified as a minor. Prior to her death, many hoped she would survive the massive damage done to her body, including the government which feared riots and more protests if she died. Now that she has, protests have continued, including candle light vigils and violent outbreaks. However, many of these protests are attended mainly by men. This article points out that often, the men are not there to support the women, but rather to support a more paternalistic view of the world, and to claim the need for safety for women, if only by keeping them more hidden and more repressed. Many women shy away from protesting at these events because they will most likely be groped and abused while protesting for women's rights! Other women rush to gun shops to arm themselves, just in case. These attacks remind me of many articles about journalists being attacked in Egypt on camera. We, as a world, need to work toward making these types of attacks unacceptable, not only in the eyes of moral people, but in the eyes of everyone.

Earlier this year, a young girl was shot by the Taliban in Pakistan for being outspoken about education for women, and equal rights for women in Pakistan. This girl (she's only 15) was shot while on her way to school, and has since risen to international fame for her strength and her message. When people fight for their own rights, they are not given their rights, some of them must lose their lives and serve as martyrs to get the news out. This should not be the case, but it is. Hopefully all across the world, people are beginning to realize that these attacks are not acceptable, that the rest of the world will not stand for them.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not wonder what I would do in a situation that these women are exposed to every day. Would I fight back? Would I succumb to the abuse?

All I can say is I hope women continue to fight, I hope that women in India and in Pakistan, and in every place on the Earth stand up for themselves, and that everyone learns to respect us for what we are: fellow humans and equal peers.