Courting

The idea of actually courting a person seems so.... old fashioned to me. I wouldn't want someone buying me stuff and trying to prove they could be a "good man" just to go broke doing it, or stop the second they've "won" me. What I would want in a person is someone I can get along with and be comfortable with and who is responsible with their own stuff, including their finances, but also their emotions (in that they don't need to feel like they need to prove that they are a good man, I want them to just BE a good man).



A few articles have come to my attention recently about how the internet and technology has destroyed courting and dating in the old sense. And they point out that dating roles have changed so it makes it harder, and confusing for people to date because it has previously so clearly defined (or, so we like to think). The Slate Magazine article points out that maybe we shouldn't be so sad about this, maybe we should be embracing the new definitions of dating as we struggle to actually come up with rules. The Guardian News article (shared with my by one of my friends) asks if the NY Times article that both of them are discussing is really a little late in the game of discovery that courtship is dead. In all honesty, I agree, courtship is dead, and I'm glad. One thing that technology brings into this too, you can get to know a person a lot quicker, people text all the time, or Facebook message, so don't start by asking them out, chat and see if you'll actually get along.

Understandably, there is a lot of confusion and awkwardness about it. However, there are also some really important things to note, and one of them is to respond to body language! This article, in Jezebel, discusses how to approach a woman and not seem like a creep. But, in all honesty, in the article and the comments the discussion of how every woman is different shows up. And, this is true, not all women want the same thing, nor do they think the same things are creepy. If a woman is obviously trying to walk away, or is answering your questions with short, curt answers, then maybe you should back off.

One of the most interesting things about that Jezebel article, to me, is the comment a man made "For all the talk about gender stereotypes and gender equality, I think this is one area that is still completely lopsided and puts all of the pressure on men. I'm not saying it's fair or not fair, but when we live in a society where the norm is for the man (I'm talking about heterosexual relationships here) to be the aggressor, doesn't that just automatically set the tone for men to be the dominant one in heterosexual relationships? In other words, can we have true equality between men and women if we never get to the point where it's just as normal and expected for women to hit on men?" and of course, the comments that followed about how men actually often find that a turn-off and that many women who hit on men are seen as "weird". I love that idea, I, for one, have not usually hidden when I am interested in a man, and usually encourage them to ask me out, if I don't just go right out and do it myself if I am interested. Similar to the discussion though, I have found that the men I have aggressively sought tend to be insecure in relationships, and I end up doing a lot, or men get scared off, so generally I don't actually ask a guy out. 

This whole thing just brings about so many discussion topics in my mind though, and it makes me love the potential the world has right now for so many different relationships to bloom.  I urge you to all consider the change in dating norms not as a hindrance to your ability to date, but rather as an adventure, one where you get to choose your own ending.