Sex Appeal

There is a saying that a nice suit on a guy is the same thing as lingerie on a woman in terms of sex appeal.. but maybe we're taking that a bit to far when we as a culture expect female morning news broadcasters to pose "sexily" on the table next to their co hosts to sell a magazine. Granted, this was a Vanity Fair magazine..but still. For reference, the second photo is a picture of Mika Brzezinski on the job, and I actually think she looks way sexier in that photo than in the first one.

Slate included a link to the first photo in an article about how female news anchors are expected to be sleeveless, but professional, and show off some leg. What?! I think that the sexification of women has kinda gone too far, shouldn't news anchors be reporting on the news and look more like business people, or maybe just like casual women? In the article they point out that some anchors show up to work looking more like they are going out to a club, and less like they are going to a professional environment. GQ also did a similar article where they had news anchor Megyn Kelly pose partially naked and talked about how hot she is, not about how well she reports the news or can independently comment on newsworthy items.

I agree with the Slate article that this is completely ridiculous, and probably needs to stop. It's great that these women are in good shape, but it should not be a requirement of the job to (even at 45) be able to balance sexily on a table in stilletos on one leg and your arms while you gaze admiringly at your fellow newscaster who smiles knowingly into the camera.

I think if we're going to have women do this, we should have men do this too, but really, I think neither should be. Knowledge and clarity should be the selling factors in news, not looks. I can understand expecting presentable attire and looks, but this has just gone too far.

Domestic Violence

I saw this ad on another blog, but my sister sent a link to the Jezebel article that talks about it. I think it is important to cover this at least to some extent. It's crazy that this is beginning to show up in Saudi Arabia, but it is GREAT that it is. I think this is a good sign that the Saudi Arabians are beginning to think of women as people (to some extent) rather than property. They also recently allowed women to ride bikes... for fun... And recently women began demanding the right to drive by driving!

Basically, even though this is a small step, it is a step, and as every runner/walker/jogger/person knows, you can't move forward if you don't start with one step (or push or whatever).

Business Success

My sister texted this image of an ad she saw in an airport to me. The signs of business success seem to have stayed the same, even when women have begun taking over parts of it... maybe? I personally would not want to smoke a cigar and wear a very... large suit jacket if I became successful in business... Do you think they just photoshopped a woman's head and hand into this picture? I'm starting to think that maybe they did...  But, it's good to see that this company doesn't think that women will change business at all, even when they get what they deserve after they negotiate..... or not?

On a side note, the successful, unmarried, "older" women in China are "leftovers" and need to be rejected as a societal issue according to the phrase being used to describe them. If only slut or bitch also sounded like another word in the English language that meant victorious or successful or something, then we could reclaim those words as well as the women in China are doing with shengnu!  Still good job figuring out how to reclaim that, I like it!

Marriage

I read Jezebel, probably more than I should, and this article is one of the best they've posted so far (kinda). I actually think that sometimes Jezebel is too extreme for me, I mean, I'm a feminist, but they go around bashing people for claiming feminists are anti male, but some of their stuff comes off as very anti male. But this article is so... neutral... in a way, and I love that her point is a little bit about how the woman who wrote the article needs to tone down her ideas about marriage and that a woman shouldn't need to convince a man to marry her, but really, she argues that "marriage for marriage's sake isn't how people become happy." I love that she says that. It's true that if you are happy with who you are, you will not become MORE happy because of marriage, but most importantly, if you're unhappy, marriage won't solve that. Go figure out who you can become to make you happy and do that, then decide if you want to get married, don't go changing your life/personality/looks just because someone won't marry you for it.

 

Thank you for presenting a totally acceptable idea about marriage. If you're already unhappy, get happy, then get married. If you don't, your marriage will probably be unhappy!

Birth Control

I got on birth control when I was 18 (I think). I wasn't fully sexually active (ie: had not had intercourse yet) but was in a committed relationship and wanted to be safe when the time came. I remained on "the pill" (in my case, Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo) until I turned 23 and was in a long distance relationship that would be more economically reasonable to use condoms in since we saw each other only about once every three months or so. After getting off the pill, I remembered that my period was crazy before the pill, but luckily, it resumed a normal clock-work cycle and was only moderately heavier than when I was on the pill.


I am known among my friends to be a bit of a hippy, I use a menstrual cup (for waste reasons, but also IT IS AMAZING!!) and fairly often "forget" to shave my legs. So when I began researching the intrauterine device (when I was about 20) it came as no surprise to them at all. When I was 23 I finally found a doctor that was willing to insert one for me. In Texas there is a pretty strong aversion to any unusual birth control methods. After countless hours of research I decided I did not want to have hormones injected into my system any more and opted for a ParaGard IUD, this one can remain inside for up to 10 years, but is not known to relieve any period issues as the Mirena one is.

The ParaGard has more immediate risks associated with it: increased cramping, increased blood flow, etc. This still seemed like the best option for me because it lasts longer (the Mirena can only be inside for 5 years) and didn't release hormones (even though I never had any negative effects from the hormones). I will admit that the first day of my period always leaves me wondering if I am bleeding to death (note: I was always a heavy bleeder, so this isn't too much more extreme than before), and I do get cramps now that are a little worse than I used to, but the freedom of knowing I don't have to think about birth control all the time is amazing. I still think using condoms at the beginning of a relationship until you are both comfortable with trusting the other person and have talked about it, and I would never have a one night stand or casual sex without using a condom (birth control does not protect against STDs!!) but if I were raped, or if a condom were to break, at least I know I wouldn't get pregnant from it, which is one less thing to have to worry about. I realize that rape is the absolute WORST thing to think of, but it is one of the worst case scenarios that ran through my head.

Now, up until recently, doctors have been encouraged to not recommend an IUD to a person who has not had a kid. It is true that sometimes an IUD will not work for a woman who has not had a kid yet because their uterus is too short for it to be inserted (I have a friend who had this situation, so it is actually true) but if it does fit, I think it is a great solution to having to worry about birth control. I grew up in California, so I got a fairly decent sexual education course, and believe me, having sex ed and being prepared for sex does not make you more sexually promiscuous (I didn't lose my virginity until 19). This article (yes, it's Jezebel, so take it with a grain of salt) explains that some studies are recommending IUDs for teenagers (yay! irresponsible people should never be in charge of taking a pill every day that will ensure they don't get pregnant when there are other solutions!)

Harassment

My sister (who I share a blog with!!) recently moved and has been slowly making new friends and integrating herself into the community she is now living in. Recently, she met some people on the bus and traded numbers with them (yes, they were guys, and yes, she understands that though she has a boyfriend they probably all just want to get into her pants). Moving to a new town puts a person in a tender spot, trying to make friends and learn about new activities sometimes forces you to put yourself out there more than you might in a city you were already comfortable in.

One of the people she gave her number to texted her a few times that evening and the following day. The third day of knowing this guy he began texting her repeatedly throughout the day and began insinuating they were destined to be lovers (or something of the sort) she responded occasionally and did not respond favorably to his suggestions in that regard. By the end of the evening he grew annoyed and his texts became menacing, threatening to rape her, and making other inappropriate comments after she said it wasn't funny to joke about rape (which he had done in a previous text). Upon searching for his name and any other information we could gather about him, we discovered he was 33 (not 25 like he said) was probably not a student at the university she is attending, though he said he was, and was possibly wanted for animal cruelty (specifically, murdering his dog). Of course, this freaked both of us out even more and she called the police about him, though he had stopped texting her and unfriended her on Facebook. The cop couldn't find any information about a warrant out for his arrest but did help her file a quick report about the harassment just in case he started up again.


This story, and this entire situation obviously scared me. Not only was I scared for her, she has actually been stalked before in a more scary way as well, but I was scared for every person who ever tries to move to a new city. This type of thing SHOULD NOT HAPPEN. Giving your number to someone does not guarantee a date, it doesn't even promise you will text them back, but further, it definitely does not mean they can harass you and threaten you. I am SO SO SO thankful that that is all this guy did to her, if he had attempted to rape her, or done worse, you can bet I would be sitting behind bars and that guy would not have any reproductive organs. This man, (possibly not) a productive member of society, acted friendly and looked like a normal person on the bus. It is terrifying that a person can be trying to make new friends, experience a city, and learn everything they can to make a place feel like home and one small attempt can turn into a terrifying experience.

I only hope that IF this guy does still have a warrant out for his arrest he is discovered soon. I love that the officer my sister talked to joked with her to help allay her fears as well as researched everything she told him. If he had questioned her assessment of the harassment I would have maybe lost faith in that much more of society. No one should be afraid to turn to authorities or to tell someone they don't want to talk to them.

If someone is not showing obvious signs that they are interested, don't push. Most girls do not play "hard to get", they actually really just don't want to talk to you.

Beauty

I recently watched that video that Dove put out that is passing around about being our own worst critics. (If you haven't seen it, read this article and watch the video). And while I love the idea of the video, I also agree with this woman's point about it. We shouldn't be only looking at fairly traditionally beautiful women and saying they are beautiful, and we shouldn't be only focusing on beauty as our main goal in life. Granted.... we also have to consider that Dove is a beauty product company, so ..... it is reasonable for them to be focusing on beauty as a goal. I also think that sometimes people take things way out of perspective.

Related to how women are prized for their looks, I want to discuss the Obama comment about "the best looking" Attorney General. I personally believe that that shows something GREAT about our government. It doesn't come off sounding as if he is praising only her looks, it comes off as if they are friends and have a good relationship (not a sexual relationship). I think we need to understand that these people are people, and that sometimes their lives don't ONLY exist in the camera's eyes. Maybe Obama and his wife often have Kamala Harris over for dinner and are friends with her, or maybe they became friends when randomly sitting next to each other at a speech and one of them commented on the fact that the speaker's pants were tucked into her socks and they both shared a small laugh, blooming a friendship from common experiences of working/living the government. However, I also understand people's points.

I think we need to take these things with a slight skepticism, but sometimes we need to look at the other side of them, and understand that everyone is not OUT TO GET THE FEMALES OF THE WORLD, but really... just living their lives, or trying to sell a product. I think these things both have good sides even if they aren't perfect, and we shouldn't deride people for trying to help with the feminist agenda if they don't do it perfectly, at least they are doing SOMETHING, a lot of people aren't even trying!

Cat Calling

Lately I have been reading Jezebel and Bitch Magazine and one of the things that comes up frequently is cat calling, and not really in a nice way. Here's an article about just that. I always feel a little bit conceited, a little bit.... vain maybe, when I talk about getting cat called, at some point I decided that I wasn't going to take it as an insult to female kind, I was going to take it as a compliment. And even though it does sometimes temporarily make me feel good about myself, it also, in the long run, and most of the time, makes me feel disgusting. There are the guys who, like a guy this morning, say "you look beautiful today" and then there are the guys that drive by slowly with their window down saying "I love you" and making kissy noises out their window. But this seems to happen to a lot of people, all the time. I, luckily, have not had to deal with a public display of masturbation (yet), and I hope I will never have to. I know that in the long run these people will not crack through my confidence, even if I occasionally have outbursts of anger about it. I want to say to these people "yes, I'm beautiful, but I also have a master's degree, so I'm smart, and I work on an urban farm/construction site, so I'm strong, and I support myself, so I'm able, beauty is only a minor part of the equation, and probably the least significant (at least I hope)". But I would rather have the people who call me beautiful than the friends who start out as friends and then slowly start making sexual innuendo jokes in my direction, and I question every time if they are masturbating while making these jokes, and I wonder why I don't cut it off before it gets that far. I try my hardest not to play along.. but it happens, and I get on with my life. I remain friends with these people, and some of them get over the joking, some of them never do, and luckily, I have never had anyone actually try to touch me inappropriately even if they do joke. I think I need to make a commitment to myself to not stand for this stuff any more. I deserve to be friends with people without the sexual jokes, and if you can't handle friendship with me for my personality, then maybe we shouldn't be friends.

On a side note, I am also a bit of a cat lady.

Marriage

Lately I have read a lot of articles about marriage, either about how having children before marriage is a growing trend and what this means for the relationship/the children, or how it is OK to get married young, even how celebrities are getting married young purely because they have the resources (and I guess the rest of the world doesn't?) to be reckless when they are young.

I think the one thing I've gathered from all of these articles is that it's ok to get married young, if you want to. But most of all, I think we need to stop judging other people's decisions on when to get married, or not get married. I have spent a lot of time talking with my friends about other friends who got married way too young, but this is really just an opinion about it. In this article, the author points out that marriage didn't used to be something you did after you got your life figured out, but it was a way of getting support from a loved one (or.... a prescribed person) to get to that place in your life where you have your life figured out.

Maybe the author has something there, I mean, one of the reasons a lot of arranged marriages ended with the two people loving each other is because they experienced a lot of life together. Not that today's marriages are the same as an arranged marriage (and yes, I know arranged marriage still happen) but they do require a certain amount of growing with the person you are with in order to succeed.

I'm not about to run out and get married, it's not what I want to do, I love my independence and can't imagine being tied to someone in that way right now, but I will definitely stop judging my friends who are married and who chose to marry young. They aren't throwing away their independence, they are combining their independences, which doesn't necessarily make them less independent.